Yep, 5 months.

I don't know who this LONG baby in my house is - he is such a beautiful big boy. I love him more every day. Don't know how it's possible he was born FIVE months ago though. It's awful how fast it goes.

He is getting better and better at the whole sleeping thing - 9pm to 6 or 7am - then bottle - and usually back to sleep for another hour. And often puts himself to sleep at night and for naps with just some loud "talking" beforehand or minimal fussing (but if it veers into crying mama still comes to the rescue and bounces and soothes until he can fall asleep - I'd do that every night if he wanted me to but sometimes he just wants me to lay him down so he can do his own thing! My big boy. *sniff*)

He "talks" and yells and "sings" and laughs. He likes to bite stuffed toys and likes when mommy and daddy try to eat his face or his neck or his feet. He is wearing NINE month clothing (remember when he couldn't gain weight and we spent 4 days in the hospital? Sure not a problem anymore!) but he is not a super chub - he is tall, long back like mommy and daddy.

He is teething and sometimes fussy and mad - pretty drooly too - no teeth yet though. He still eats mostly bottled breastmilk and formula - but we'll start rice cereal in a couple weeks and see how we do. (And mommy is looking forward to hanging up the pump around 6 months!)

He is the best thing I have ever done. I am so lucky to have him in my life.

5 months?

How is it that my little baby will be 5 months old this week? I still feel like this all "just happened" - but in many ways - his "newbornhood" feels like a million years ago. I was looking at newborn pics the other day and cried - because that tiny baby is gone forever - I will never hold him again (newborn Jack that is - certainly I'll hold Jack again for as long as he'll let me!) But that newborn baby ... he is like mist who slipped away - I was so busy, so stressed, so tired, so hormonal, so steeped in the throes of baby blues and breastfeeding problems and so overwhelmed ... it's a blur his newbornhood. A blur. I feel like I remember it in bits and pieces (and this sounds loony given it wasn't 5 years ago, but only 5 MONTHS ago - but it truly is a blur.) And the thing is - I didn't really "know" Jack at that point, I had just met him, he was a stranger to me - albeit a stranger I knew I already loved as I had felt him moving around inside me for several months prior to his birth. But I didn't know him then the way I know him now - and now that I know him - I want to go back and hold him as a newborn. I was so "afraid" of him - and I loved him but not with the fierceness that I do now. Were I to hold him as a newborn now - actually I'm not sure I could handle how much I'd love him given how tiny and SO vulnerable newborns are. And today he is of course still vulnerable - but he's turning into such a real person. He laughs, and "sings", and tells me things ... he looks at me, and tries to communicate with me in his way - and he is so, so, so beautiful. Big eyes, and beautiful skin, perfect nose, beautiful little lips, long eyelashes. I love him so, so much.

I should probably file this post under "loony mom musings", good grief.

In other news, I am still pumping - longingly looking at the finish line (6 months is the goal!) but yet, it will be hard for me to hang up the horns. I have mixed feelings about going all formula (nothing wrong with it! my feelings are my own and based on everything I've gone through - see previous post!) So we'll see. I'll definitely drop a pump in a month .. and then another pump .. and see where I end up. I want the time back and it cuts right into the middle of our mornings - and that's my biggest chunk of time that I have with him as I leave for work at 12:30pm. I want to take leisurely stroller walks and not have to rush home to pump and live my life in 4 hour increments. So something's gotta give .. I hope I can let it go and be peaceful with it.

That's all I got! New pics coming soon. :-)