Monday, December 31, 2007

Happy Friggin' New Year

Well, OK, it’s New Year’s Eve – but given that I haven’t blogged since early December – I better say Happy New Year today – because I might not be back until Spring. Who knows?

Currently – the biggest dilemma in my TTC journey is: WHEN TO START THE FRIGGIN’ LOVENOX?

So far … hematologist says 1 day after IUI is OK – but she’d prefer I start later. (I actually have a call in to her now to clarify.) RE would also prefer I wait until I get a BFP – but will go along with me starting earlier since hemo said it was OK. MFM (or is it MFS? I can’t figure out exactly what perinatologists are called these day) anyway – she said “don’t start at all” when it comes to Lovenox but she annoyed me so I’m not listening to her – and will seek out a different MFM when and if the time comes.

(She annoyed me because she referred to my chemical pregnancies as a “whiff” of pregnancy. Now – I know what she meant. And I am actually not emotionally torn up over my chemical pregnancies. But some people are and she has no way of knowing which type of person I am. Regardless – I don’t appreciate having any of my miscarriages referred to as “whiffs”.)

OK …just heard back from hemo’s office. She recommends I start Lovenox within one week of insemination. Okey-dokey.

I am so on the fence about this. Not about WHETHER to take Lovenox – only about WHEN. I don’t want to start it too soon – for fear of impeding implantation by having my blood be too thin. Nor do I want to start it too late – for fear of impeding implantation by having my blood be too thick. And no one has an exact answer for me – apparently because it’s not an exact science – and really -- the doctors just … aren’t … sure. So if THEY’RE not sure – well, I’m REALLY not sure.

There is a camp that says someone like me should start lovenox on CD 6 – quite early in one’s cycle. And I get where they’re coming from too … start it early – while endometrium is being laid down – so it’s not a big clotty mess that tiny embryo can’t snuggle into. But those who say to start later – well, I get where they’re coming from too. I have visions of a little embryo just sliding right off because he can’t burrow in because the blood is too thin and he just slides away.

I have a lot of visions, don’t I?

The thing is – before my last chemical pregnancy – I had a uterine septum removed. That septum could have caused my first two losses, indeed, that seemed to be the ANSWER at the time. Then I had the post-septum chemical pregnancy – which almost went unnoticed as my RE’s office wasn’t even going to test me for pregnancy (long story .. less recent blog entry ..)

But after the chemical pregnancy that happened after the septum removal – RE decided to run RPL panel on me and low and behold – I turn out to have homozygous MTHFR (looks like MotherFucker, doesn’t it?) C677T and heterozygous Factor V Freakin’ Leiden.

And then that seemed to be the ANSWER and I was all ready to get my Lovenox and get rockin’ and then I started reading and then I solicited 19 different opinions (well, not really, but I’m exaggerating to make a point) from 19 different doctors and read study after study and now … I’m still not sure when to start the friggin’ Lovenox.

I have no definitive answer. I am so scared to mess this up. I just want to get pregnant – and stay pregnant.

I guess I’ll start the Lovenox a week or so after my IUI. And don’t even get me started on the baby aspirin (I’m on it. Even though hemo said I don’t need to be. Everything else I’ve read suggests otherwise. Basically – I’m picking and choosing my advice – and going with my gut. But my gut isn’t so sure right now.) I'm on foltex too. And a prenatal (hemo said I don't need that anymore either. Um, yeah, I think I'll keep taking it, thanks though.)

Maybe I should just pray. Seems like as good an idea as any of these other ideas.

Oh, and Happy Friggin’ New Year. I hope 2008 is better for both of us.


Ariella said...

I know it is hard but go with your gut! Your gut knows best and can tell you things no medical Dr can. I also suggest prayer, it does calm me and give me guidance. I'll pray that you find the way to a sticky BFP too.

Anonymous said...

I am going through the same thing!! I have Factor V Leiden and compound MTHFR. I have had 5 losses and I am praying one day to bring home another baby. My drs and I are also arguing about when to start lovenox. We have also talked about inserting a vena cava filter.
I hope 2008 brings us some good news and we get the best treatment possible!! ((HUGS)) on your tough journey!