After a horrible morning - much of which was spent with me sobbing so hard I could barely breathe - it turns out my beta today at 15dpiui is 173. That's a great number. But let me back up ...
I peed on my fifth FRER this morning - and it was - lighter. But with each passing day - the line should get darker, right? The more HCG building up in your body, the more in your pee, HPT lines should get darker. Well, turns out that's more theoretical than factual. And I *know* that .. because I've seen other people post that the home tests only show if you're pregnant or not - not HOW pregnant you are, and not to base anything on how dark or not dark the line is.
But everybody does. And so, like everybody, I did too. And so when that faint line came up (and oh it took its time showing up at all) - I lost my mind. Started crying - and couldn't stop. Forced myself to go lay down (it was still very early) and tried to calm down. Then I got up and got ready and went for my blood draw - crying in the car on the way to the clinic. I stopped when I got there because I didn't want people to think I was nuts and also because I knew I was going to run into a new friend who just found out about her pregnancy too (she's a week ahead of me and found out today it's TWINS!!) anyway - I didn't want to be a big downer or burst into tears talking to her in the waiting room. So I held it together .. got my blood drawn .. they said they'd call later - and I got in my car in the parking lot and SOBBED. Hysterically. Like those crazy gulping can't breathe sobs. I was so sure it was over.
Somehow - I pulled myself together and drove home. Took a digital. "Pregnant" popped up pretty fast. I analyzed whether it popped up fast *enough*. Cried some more. Hugged the two onesies I bought over the weekend. I felt so broken.
Just after noon - the clinic called. To tell me I was pregnant (and I could only think, yeah, I know, but HOW PREGNANT?) And then they told me how pregnant. HCG level of 173 pregnant (average for 16dpo is 150 - I'm only 15dpo - so 173 is great.)
I am still calming down. After such an emotional morning - I am wiped out. I am so happy about the 173. Now it just has to stay high - and get higher. They're not bringing me back in for SIX days. Most clinics bring you back after a first beta within 2 - 3 days. But not my clinic. But I'm OK. As long as I'm not spotting or bleeding, I'm OK. (Pity my husband if that happens. That would be BAD even though it can be normal in early pregnancy. I don't care. I don't need the stress. No spotting.)
So I go back Monday for a second beta and an ultrasound to make sure the grain of rice is where it's supposed to be - in my uterus and not stuck in a fallopian tube.
No more home pregnancy tests. I'm done. Cold turkey. I swear.
So, yeah. 173. I can live with that. That works. Deep breaths...