BFP

Yep. I appear to be - pregnant. Haven't had bloodwork yet ... that's tomorrow. But after a FRER (First Response Early Result pregnancy test) negative on Friday at 11dpiui .. I got an almost too faint to see with the naked eye FRER positive at 12dpiui … another very, very faint but slightly darker positive at 13dpiui and also a digital positive at 13dpiui. Tested again this morning - 14dpiui - another positive. That makes 4 positives. And today's line was ever so slightly darker too. Although none of my lines come close to being "dark". And I know ... a line's a line ... and I always have rolled my eyes at women who post about being nervous about their faint positives. Now I'm one of them. Oops.

DH and I are happy – but feel very guarded. Cautiously optimistic. I didn’t even tell him after the ghostly faint first positive – I waited until I got another one Sunday morning (at 5:15 a.m.)

Here's how I told him: while I was still in the bathroom, right after I tested, I taped a quote bubble to my tummy. I had cut it out and written on in green sharpie marker the night before - and hidden it in the vanity. Here's what it said:

“Hi Daddy! I can’t wait to meet you! I’m due November 24, 2008. PS – Mommy is pregnant!"

Then I grabbed the digital that said “pregnant” and I went into the pitch black bedroom and said:

“J .. I think I have a weird rash on my belly.”

J, “Yeah?”

Me, “Can you turn on the light and look at it?”

J, “OK.” (Turning on light and then reading quote bubble out loud.) “No way!! Really?”

Me, “Really!” kiss kiss kiss! "Look!" (at the digital that said "pregnant".)

And then I reached under the bed and pulled out two little onesies I bought Saturday afternoon (first time I’ve EVER bought something for “my” baby. I wanted to do it as a positive, have faith act after seeing that first ghostly faint positive) and I danced them around the bed. It was SO DORKY .. but it was fun and we laughed. We’re dorks.

But our happiness was guarded - and still is.

I’d like to be able to laugh and shout from the rooftops – but for now – we’re just smiling (but it’s one of those nervous smiles) and hoping for a good beta number on Tuesday. I don’t have any spotting – so we’re taking that as a good sign for us … as our last IUI BFP ended in a chemical and I was already spotting and then flat out bleeding by the time I saw a BFP at 13dpiui. Hopefully this time will continue to be very, very different. I had some definite twinging cramping going on over the weekend – nothing major and really no cramping today – and my boobs look maybe slightly veinier than usual – not much though. So really not much at all in the way of “symptoms.”

If you follow this blog - you know this was our third and final IUI (and our MOST expensive cycle ever. Around 4000 dollars due to much more monitoring than usual.) Moving on to IVF would have been a real financial hardship for us … so if this pregnancy sticks … well hell, this kid is already saving me money!

I have learned so much from this process – but perhaps the most important thing I’ve learned is BE YOUR OWN ADVOCATE. Ask questions. Do your own research. Do not just mildly follow everything your RE tells you to do. Yes, you want a doctor you can trust – but remember – they have hundreds and hundreds of other patients. You are the only one who is 100 percent solely concerned with YOU … so trust yourself. Follow your instincts, and trust your gut.

This may sound corny – but I truly feel that I was guided this cycle – “told” when to speak up, and what questions to ask. And I believe it’s why I’m pregnant. And on that note – here is what I did this cycle:

- Per my request – did 2 back to back IUI’s at 12 and 36 hours post trigger – instead of just one at 36 hours
- Per my request – aimed for a goal of four mature follies at time of trigger – with a lead at 19mm or above
- Per my request - added ganirelix during stims to suppress one giant follie I had that had jumped ahead of the others and wanted to ovulate too soon
- Ate pineapple – fresh fruit plus some of the core – every night for five night starting night of second IUI
- Progesterone suppositories – 50mg/once a day starting night of second IUI. Am now up to 100mg/day (per my request.. I’m very request-y with my doctor..)
- Drank Welch’s purple grape juice – not every day but a good bit.
- Drank apple juice with a little wheatgrass powder mixed in pretty much every day during stims and in 2WW. Sometimes I also mix in a little Spirulina (another super green food.)
- Lovenox injections starting 1dpiui (had to “argue” this one too .. many docs don’t like to start patients until after BFP or even heartbeat – I believe due to my two clotting disorders I need the Lovenox sooner and both hemo and RE said OK.)
- Took pnv, foltex, baby aspirin, fish oil capsule & one extra 400 mcg folic supplement every day (have been on this regimen for several months.)
- Acupuncture once/week (have been going for about a year – I definitely think it helped.)
- Rested on table 20 minutes after each IUI – and came home after second IUI and took a one hour nap before going into work that day (and then regretted going to work at all because I was so crampy that day.)
- Oh – and I was completely, completely stressed out the entire cycle – it was emotionally, mentally & financially grueling. So much for “relaxing”!

For now .. I’m taking it one day at a time. I so want to be excited and over the moon – and a little part of me is – but unfortunately that’s one more thing IF robs us of ... our innocence. But it’s OK. For now – I feel very, very lucky and very hopeful.

BFP. Wow.

First beta results tomorrow. I'm hoping for at least a 50. We'll see. I'll post when I know. Fingers crossed.